No Longer Whispering Words of Love to My Love One

杨千桦 - 假如让我说下去

任我想 我最多想一觉睡去 期待你 也至少劝我别劳累 但我把 谈情的气力转赠谁 跟你电话之中讲再会 再会谁 暴雨天 我至少想讲挂念你 然后你 你最多会笑着回避 避到底 明明不筋鴗都力疲 就当我还未放松自己 我想哭 你可不可以暂时别要睡 陪着我 像最初相识我当时未怕累 但如果 但如果说下去 或者 傻得我 彼此怎能爱下去 暴雨中 我到底怎么要害怕 难道你 无台风会决定留下 但我想 如楼底这夜倒下来 就算临别亦有通电话 我怕死 你可不可以暂时别要睡 陪着我 让我可以不靠安眠药进睡 但如果 但如果说下去 亦无非逼你 壹句话 如今跟某位同居 我的天 你可不可以暂时让我睡 忘掉爱 尚有多少工作失眠亦有罪 但如果 但如果怨下去 或者 傻得我 通宵找进接下去 离开 不应再打搅爱人 对不对

-Geoffrey

Not every relationship will lead to a fairytale ending

1251AM

"Dhoby Ghaut station !!" the annoying but familiar recorded announcement blared through the speakers of the MRT I happen to be riding in.. In came a tall, lanky girl initially expressionless.. "Beep, beep" again another familiar SMS noise from the source of her handphone brought about a nice tender, sweet grin/smile on her face..'Could it be her stead, is it her honeymoon period, or maybe just a message from a crush or soon-to-be boyfriend?' was running through my mind..

Walking through Fareast Plaza and Orchard Road. Sighted countless of couples (flings maybe?) holding hands, hugging and kissing in public. Love is in the Air !! It is everywhere, in your bedroom, on the telephone, dining table, and even more so in public..

The above 2 paragraphs are classic examples of how Love can be so wonderful. Not that I purposely go out to look at girls or notice how couples behave, but simply just a observence to pacify my survey on the topic of 'Love'. Opposite of happiness = sorrows. Now for the bad news.

"I Love you but I cannot be with you", "F##k Off, I don't want to be with you", "You are the worst guy/gal I ever met", "From today onwards don't call me anymore". It can be sad sometimes but these are phrases I commonly hear..

Couples quarreling on the streets, sometimes resulting in violence, shoving, pushing and slapping are not un-commong sightings. "Take care, after today I will not answer your call" after a one night stand is another..

I sympathise their heart of sorrows and understand the tears in their eyes as they stood there motionless/expressionless as if the world has just came to an end. I can bet when couples get together for the first few times, many thoughts would be running through their minds. 'Is he/her serious' in this relationship?' 'Would we last long? Or is it just a few days/weeks/mnths affair?' 'Are we compatible with each other?' 'Is he/her just flinging/flirting/scandaling with me?'

Sad to say, getting into a relationship is like riding a rocky and unstable boat. It is and never will be smooth sailing. The trick is to be able to hold each other's hands and ride through the storm together, piloting and navigating the boat to its ultimate destination which will lead to the land of 'Happiness'.

Unfortunately, most cannot 'Believe' and ride the storm together. How do you expect to make it through the huge tidal waves and avoid collision with rock stones if the 'Two hands cannot clap' ? Constant arguments, quarrels and different opinions will lead to one trying to steer left, the other steer right. Thus, both drowning in the deep ocean sea. Helpless and lost, calling out to someone to save them from their situations but nobody to the rescue.

Sadly, my relationship has ended up the latter way..However I have a form of 'Rescue' from a consolation email sent to me from my good Bro Thomas.. Here's the extract..

-From Thomas

hey bro, i have just finishing reading ur blog...?erm..also duno how to advise you.. here is a piece of advice: when dealing with the blow of an unwanted breakup, u've 2 look carefully at the person who broke up with you as well as reflecting on yourself. If you are radically honest, you will notice a dozens of ways that you deserve something better. At the very minimum, u can concentrate on ur studies and have the freedom that some ppl envy----"SINGLE & AVAILABLE" ... Once upon a time u r falling in love but not every relationship can hav a fairytale ending...so juz move on ... maybe God has something better in mind. A great love is not juz all about being together for the rest of ur life but is when she starts telling u that she want a different lifestyle , and you can still smile and find the courage to say "I'm happy for you." i belive u had this "courage" after i met u at YCK. At least u wasn't like me, at that point of time when the person i love most initiate a breakup, i almost fall apart... everyday "**censored**" until like a living corpse. Maybe i was juz finding an excuse for playing--HAha, anyway u did not do this type of nonsense.?At least u still have many wonderful memories to accompany u, mine was only filled with painful times, some memories are worthy to be treasure as for those painful 1, just leave it behind and carry on with your life. C'mon lei, you are still young...there was no need for a "sprint" still can "jog" and see who was the one most suitable for you?i belive u can and will evetually get out of her shadow. Don't think so much & stays positive... : )

-end

Firstly, I would like to thank you for your words of encouragement. Yes to let go does not necessary mean you are a coward, but a sign that you are strong enough to let go and move on in life.. How true those words and I applaud you for your maturity in respect to relationships..If I was radically honest, I would say it was probably more of my fault than hers. But I wouldnt like to comment on who's right and who's wrong in a relationship. There's never one party at fault, it always take 2 hands to clap. Your sentence 'Once upon a time u r falling in love but not every relationship can hav a fairytale ending' is the perfect phrase to summarise the title of this topic !!

I understand what you are going through at the moment, something much worse than what I'm goin through. But I'm thankful and grateful that you've learnt to accept, trust and believe in God that he can do miracles for you and he WILL do miracles in your life if you just believe and accept.. Also, I noticed a growing maturity in you since that day I met you in YCK. Perhaps, like me, we have to learn our lessons the hard and painful way. At the end of the day, it will be a good and worthy lesson for us. May the Good Lord bless you.

And some words to Huiling, may you be blessed too with a successful career and find your true happiness sooner rather than later..It was unfortunate we couldn't ride the storm together and our ship sank, but hey, there's always a lifebelt thrown by the rescue team. Let's pick it up, paddle our way slowly back to the shore where a new beginning, a new chapter in our lives awaits us...

-Geoffrey signing off with peace @ 0151am

A Brand New Me, A Brand new Chapter (2) in Life !!!

2336HRS, A very good day to all of you out there, whether you may be clubbing out there, catching a movie with your loved ones or just sitting by the computer reading the blog. Firstly I want to thank everyone who has once read or is following up with this blog, and your words of wisdom and encouragement in the bulletin/chat box. I noticed a big jump in the hit counter, seems like more people are reading the blog than I ever expected.

Oh, theres simply so much things I want to write about that no encyclopedia can match. So much feelings I need to express that no words in the dictionary can ever find. I could probably start an Auto-Biography considering how much I've went through in the past. Relationship, family problems, and many difficult test and ordeals that I've been put through. It is simply not feasable to write about every thing I feel, therefore many of my thoughts has been summarised..

Dreams, are dreams real or are they often the opposite. I've always believed the latter to be true.. For the moment I trust that dreams are probably real and 'Realistic' dreams may or will eventually come through. If anyone bothers to scroll down on my recent posts you will notice that I dreamt that Liverpool will be celebrating their Champions League victory over Benfica tonight. In exactly 4 hrs time will be the kickoff to the match, can Liverpool overcome the 1 goal deficit they conceded in Lisbon, will they be able to win and retain their hopes of defending their Championship Crown ? It remains to be seen.

Different people have different views as to what dreams are supposedly meant to mean to them. Are dreams given to a certain individual to remind him of his past ? To predict the future ? Or just to learn a lesson ? Others may also think that dreams are irrelevant and has no use when applied to real life situations. To backup my thoery that I believe the realistic dreams I had 'MAY' come through. Way well even before we got together, I dreamt of us holding hands and being together, and I believe that she once had the very same dream too.. Many years later when our relationship was starting to fall apart, I dreamt that there will come a day where I will be totally ignored. The constant SMSs sent will result in non-response and that's exactly what happened in reality, and what my dream has once 'warned' me..

The next part to this blog will elaborate on the 'New beginning, New chapter in my life'. Again if you have bothered to scroll down to read that post, you will notice that I havent written much on how I intend to change my lifestyle for the better. For a start, enrolling into SIM will be a kickstart to my new life, education is important. Not only for the purpose of the paper qualification so that you can find a good/stable job, better income, faster promotions, or educating yourself with more Business knowledge, but education can be used to condition one's mind so that we can be able to think with more flexibility and maturity. In addition, we can also learn how the world of Business revolves around, different proceedures of handling/managing your own company, how to settle deals in a proper manner and different trade rules applicable to each kind of establishment..

I'm also proud to mention that I have given up on my online game (Final Fantasy 11), something which I was unwilling to let go in the past but has now been sacrificed for the sake of my education and career. Gaming is good in certain ways, it brings one into the world of 'Fantasy' where you are actually but temporary forgetting the issues of real life and immersed into the world of Fantasy where you are actually 'Somebody' great ingame. However returning back to reality, realising that you are in fact just another 'Normal' person. Fact is, online gaming simply requires too much investment in time, and too much of anything is bad for anyone..True, many people may know me as a born-gamer, but in future I hope to be recognised as somebody who is successful in real life, someone who can make it, rather than "Oh, he's just good at games"

Next in line will be piano lessons for me !! I used to be grade 1 in piano during my primary sch days but of course everybody would have already forgetten their basics after that many years. Pondering over what people say that it may be too late to start piano at the ripe age of 23, I wish to make clear my intentions that I do not aspire to be a superstar in piano like Richard Clayderman nor aim to get the highest grade one can obtain, all I will be expecting is to be able to learn the basics of playing simple melodic tunes. In my opinion, piano tunes are soothing and can comfort one's broken heart. I always dream of the day where I can close my eyes, lay the fingers on the keyboard and play a nice romantic tune while singing a love song to my soul.

TaeKwando is the next thing which I will enroll in.. Some people may not know but I was very into TKD when I was still a kid, high-flyer cause I can really kick hard due to my leg power..I have to start over from White Belt again since loosing my 'Grading' card, in which I can start from Blue Belt onwards. Rustiness has kicked in so I think it may be a better solution to start from scratch. Reason for joining TKD is not for violence, but to build up my fitness and stamina. I've always admired the 'Art' and respected the 'Teachings' of TKD so I'm sure I will be building up on that..

Well, this ends my very and probably longest blog I've ever written. Note the (2) in the chapter. I'll see you in my next post coming up in a few mins time..

-Geoffrey signing off @ 1230hrs

My VERY Painful Wisdom Tooth Extraction

2.33pm good afternoon, havent blogged in a while so im here to share the most painful ordeal ive ever experienced in my life.. Today 10am was my scheduled Wisdom tooth extraction, I went into the surgery room without any feeling of nervousness. Din't even expect the extraction process to be painful..

2 jabs of anesthatic dose to my gum made be numb. So the extraction process began, dentist started to grind and pull the tooth when I made him halt immediately cause the pain was too extreme to take. I can assure u that it is more painful than putting a tattoo.. So another 8 jabs of anesthatic was administered to the top of my gums (Note : total 10 jabs), extraction resumed after that but the stubbord teeth still refused to comply to the constant grinding and pulling by the dentist.

I took a 5 mins break with my mouth bleeding like never before, following that another few doses of jabs to my gums and I still feel the PAIN !!! Real pain, after 1 hr of suffering sharp pain, finally the tooth conceded its defeat and much to my relief was forced out from my gums..

We then get to realise why the extraction was so tough this time round, Basically because my Wisdom Tooth had 3 roots stuck to the gums. He educated me that most of the people had only 1 root as compared to my 3 roots.

The suffering has yet to end, 3 hrs after the numbness the pain returned and slowly transferring to my brain, resulting in a mega headache.. And to make things worse, dentist did not prescribe any painkillers, to end it off, after so much suffering. I was awarded a nice 1 day MC.. This dentist has to be crazy !!! So much so for SAF doctors..

Its been almost 5 hrs since the extraction and my mouth is still watered with blood, every spit contained blood as if I had been poisoned or infected with a certain bronchitis disease. 2 cotton wool inserted between the wound were totaly soaked with blood.

Washed and kept the teeth as a memory of my most painful experience..Well I extended my MC at a private clinic, just dont see myself going back to camp after that much suffering, and its nearly impossible to justify the 1 day MC given to me..

-Geoffrey signing off at 1500hrs

广岛之恋

你早就该拒绝我 , 不该放任我的追求
给我渴望的故事, 留下丢不掉的名字
时间难倒回, 空间易破碎
二十四小时的爱情, 是我一生难忘的美丽回忆

越过道德的边境, 我们走过爱的禁区
享受幸福的错觉, 误解了快乐的意义
是谁太勇敢, 说喜欢离别
只要今天不要明天眼睁睁看着
爱从指缝中溜走, 还说再见

不够时间好好来爱你, 早该停止风流的游戏
愿被你抛弃, 就算了解而分离
不愿爱的没有答案结局

不够时间好好来恨你, 终于明白恨人不容易
爱恨消失前, 用手温暖我的脸
为我证明我曾真心爱过你

爱过你, 爱过你, 爱过你

-Geo

A Brand New Me, A Brand new Chapter in Life !!!

Start of Mar 0102Hrs , Its past midnight.. Good evening to you all living owls out there.

It's Over, my relationship with you. 28/02/06, exactly 3 years 6 mnths since we were together. The promises you made to me, SMSes, and friendster testimonial I guess hasnt come true or was made on impulse.. Perhaps you were still young then, maybe you weren't so career minded at that time. Your new job/career has changed you, no longer the same person I once knew..

The SMS you sent me yesterday was the confirmation I needed. Do you really expect me to send that to you first ? Were you expecting me to make the first move ? No..I will never, cause truthfully my heart is still with you. Well I leave in no regrets, no sadness, no dissapointment and no tears in my eyes. Why should I, and why should you ? Let's just move on with our lives, there's a bright future ahead for the both of us. Time will heal all wounds.

Perhaps/maybe I am not the suitable/right guy for you.. A person like you certainly don't deserve a Man like me. I've put you through so much heartache, I'm not the 'guai' kind like what you are and certainly we have different views in life.. In a relationship breakup theres no single party who's in the right or wrong, but in this case, it is more to my fault I have to admit. I learnt to change, but unfortunately, we swapped roles in the end. You did not have time for me, and a few SMS you sent felt like flying shattered glass piercing through the center of my already half-broken heart..

I am 1 mnth to my ORD, then I will be starting another new and fresh chapter in my life, cant wait to start sch in Apr (SIM) and work on my career at the same time. Today, is the start of the brand new me !! A brand new chapter, a brand new beginning in life..

Since the breakup, my views of life has changed. I shall no longer have the same old personality of inflicting self harm on myself and doing silly things because of matters like this. I came to realise it's just not worth it. How can I ever trust a gal's words after going through so much..

From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely wish,hope and bless you in your career and relationship if there will be a new guy in your life. Do not worry for Sugar Baby will be safe in my care. Take care and don't sink into depression. I will still be here to listen to your troubles/problems and offer you solutions if you need as a friend.

-Geoffrey signing off with peace @ 0133HRS